I have the privilege of sipping on some gongcha milk tea my mom bought me and the time to sit down in front of my lappy and ponder about what is going to actually happen to me in the future. To be honest, I am really afraid about how my life would be like in the next few couple of years.
The main thing that I am worried about the most is.. my future career. I've chosen this path to take up this extremely weird diploma that doesn't allow me to further study in Singapore. Sometimes as I think back, I wonder did I actually make the right choice to be here. Was it selfish of me to not seek any of my parents opinion before coming to a decision. Was it just me thinking it was the easiest way out of my education life or am I really passionate about what is happening in this field of industry.
The hard truth is that going to a junior college assures me a 80% chance of getting into a local university. So why am I so stupid to choose a path that only assures me a 20% chance or less of getting into a local university. Don't ask me why. I have no idea.
Partly I believe that I am able to do well and attain a scholarship that will at least lessen the load of my parents financially but I guess I overestimated myself. I actually can't be that smart. I'm just a average student. I'm not some geek that stuffs my head in notes all day just to attain a GPA of 3.8 and above.
Come on admit it, all of us wants to have fun. I mean at this rebellious age of 18, who doesn't want to have fun and do something daring. How many times do you get to be 18. I really want my 18 to be something memorable and not to be remembered as studying all day complaining about tests and homeworks. I really don't want that.
As much as I understand the importance of a qualification I do not wish to waste my youth like that. Take my primary school days for instance. Most of my friends told me during their primary school days they had the most fun ever but I only remembered mine packed with tuitions from Tuesdays to Fridays. I hardly had any fun because my mom didn't allow me to hang out with my friends and she banned me from talking on the phone and went on to the extent of diverting all the calls made to my home to her.
I hated (still hate) studying so much. I feel like I'm being forced in this evil society whereby people compete against each other their knowledge. But come and think about it, whatever knowledge Singapore students have now are not really knowledge. Most of these "knowledge" are just pure memory. We hardly have time to even memorise those facts for exams, how do we have time to understand the theory behind it. As a result this just turns whatever we memorised into waste because we end up forgetting everything. If everything is about memory, why not just get a box of memory boosting pills from the pharmacies.
Just like have you ever wondered why differentiation of y/ differentiation of x is the gradient of the line? Or why does Resultant force = mass x accleration. Have you really understood all the concept behind it to apply it into your work/ daily life conceptually? Sad to say I got my way through my O levels through pure memorization and hard work. I'm not smart, but I had this huge ego of mine that wants me to always be at the top and so I slogged my life out and memorized every single answer sheet in the physics assesment book. This applies to Maths, Biology, Chemistry, History, Social Studies.. Oh wait, that's about everything.
Even up till now... I'm still memorising. I am glad to tell you that whatever I've learnt in the past 10 years of my life, almost up to 50% is erased from my memory unless there is really a drug called NZT like the one in the movie " Limitless" or else I doubt I'll remember anything.
So at the end of the day, I'm just trying to say that I don't know what will I be doing next time. Dog groomer? Not my dream job. Being a vet? Not really. I don't want to be operating on animals all day. Lab technician? I hate doing lab work needless to say being a technician. I love biology but this diploma is driving me insane with biology overload. I'm beginning to loathe it. But I guess no matter which course I go, at the end of the day I will still hate whatever I'm studying..
I really want to study overseas because I think that the change in environment or studying technique will really help me to understand things better for once instead of memorising. Maybe we should all stop memorising and really start understanding so that we will be so thirsty for knowledge that we will hit the libraries automatically instead of being forced to read up on something.
Sometimes life is so complicated I really don't know what does it expect out of me. Have you ever wondered if you are born to complete a particular task. And if so, what is your task?
I guess I really have to start googling on the degrees available that is related to my field of study so that at least I know where I'll be heading to after my 2 years of diploma... Year 2 is commencing in a week. And in another year I'll be graduating. Where will I be? What will I be?
All these questions shall have an answer somehow.. someday....
