Yes it had been way too long. Sorry people was really caught up with school recently and all the break up shit that I didn't really have the mood to blog.
Before I start anything, someone asked me why we broke up. Listen to this song, and you might understand.
你最近不說話 怎么了 為什么
ni zui jin bu shuo hua zen me le wei shen me
You've been quiet recently, what's the matter, why?
是不是有什么事讓你不快樂
shi bu shi you shen me shi rang ni bu kuai le
Is it that something's making you unhappy?
听說你最近很孤單 有點亂 有點慌
ting shuo ni zui jin hen gu dan you dian luan you dian huang
I heard you've been lonely recently, a bit confused, a bit out of sorts
可是我卻不能夠在你的身旁
ke shi wo que bu neng gou zai ni de shen pang
Yet I can't be at your side
你想要的 我卻不能夠給你我全部
ni xiang yao de wo que bu neng gou gei ni wo quan bu
What you want - I know, but I just can't give you my all
我能給的 卻又不是你想要擁有的
wo neng gei de que you bu shi ni xiang yao yong you de
But what I can give you is not what you want
我們不适合 也不想認輸
wo men bu shi he ye bu xiang ren shu
We aren't suitable for each other, but I don't want to admit loss
好几次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
hao ji vi wo men bao zhe bi ci dou shi xiang yao ku
Many of the times we embraced each other, I felt like crying
常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
chang jie shi zhe yang de yi cie dou zhi shi kai shi
Many times it's explained that these situations are just new beginnings
我覺得是所有的一切早已就結束
wo jue de shi suo you de yi cie zao yi jiu jie shu
I feel that this is one of those times where it ended long ago
不想再約束不要再痛苦
bu xiang zai yue su bu yao zai tong ku
Don't want any more restrictions, don't want any more pain
下一次會有更好的情路
xia yi ci hui you geng hao de qing lu
Next time there'll be a better road of love
你最近不說話 怎么了 為什么
ni zui jin bu shuo hua zen me le wei shen me
You've been quiet recently, what's the matter, why?
是不是有什么事讓你不快樂
shi bu shi you shen me shi rang ni bu kuai le
Is it that something's making you unhappy?
听說你最近很孤單 有點亂 有點慌
ting shuo ni zui jin hen gu dan you dian luan you dian huang
I heard you've been lonely recently, a bit confused, a bit out of sorts
可是我卻不能夠在你的身旁
ke shi wo que bu neng gou zai ni de shen pang
Yet I can't be at your side
你想要的 我卻不能夠給你我全部
ni xiang yao de wo que bu neng gou gei ni wo quan bu
What you want - I know, but I can't give you my all
我能給的 卻又不是你想要擁有的
wo neng gei de que you bu shi ni xiang yao yong you de
But what I can give you is not what you want
我們不适合 也不想認輸
wo men bu shi he ye bu xiang ren shu
We aren't suitable for each other, but I don't want to admit loss
好几次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
hao ji vi wo men bao zhe bi ci dou shi xiang yao ku
Many of the times we embraced each other, I felt like crying
常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
chang jie shi zhe yang de yi cie dou zhi shi kai shi
Many times it's explained that these situations are just new beginnings
我覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
wo jue de shi suo you de yi cie zao jiu yi jie shu
I feel that, like always, this is one of those times where it ended long ago
不想再約束不要再痛苦
bu xiang zai yue su bu yao zai tong ku
Don't want any more restrictions, don't want any more pain
下一次會有更好的情路
xia yi ci hui you geng hao de qing lu
Next time there'll be a better road of love
愛 我卻不能夠 給你我全部
ai wo que bu neng gou gei ni wo quan bu
Regarding love, I just can't give you my all
我能給的 卻又不是你想要擁有的
wo neng gei de que you bu shi nik xiang yao yong you de
But what I can give you is not what you want
你想要的 我卻不能夠給你我全部
ni xiang yao de wo que bu neng gou gei ni wo quan bu
What you want - I know, but I just can't give you my all
我能給的 卻又不是你想要擁有的
wo neng gei de que you bu shi ni xiang yao yong you de
What I can give you is not what you want
我們不适合 也不想認輸
wo men bu shi he ye bu xiang ren shu
We aren't suitable for each other, but I don't want to admit loss
好几次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
hao ji vi wo men bao zhe bi ci dou shi xiang yao ku
Many of the times we embraced each other, I felt like crying
常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
chang jie shi zhe yang de yi cie dou zhi shi kai shi
Many times it's explained that these situations are just new beginnings
我覺得是所有的一切早已就結束
wo jue de shi suo you de yi cie zao yi jiu jie shu
I feel that, like always, this is one of those times where it ended long ago
不想再約束不要再痛苦
bu xiang zai yue su bu yao zai tong ku
Don't want any more restrictions, don't want any more pain
下一次會有更好的情路
xia yi ci hui you geng hao de qing lu
Next time there'll be a better road of love
這一次我們都能很幸福
zhe yi ci wo men dou neng hen xing fu
This time we'll all be able to be very happy
( source from http://chinesemusicblog.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=3150 )
More or less its like this song :) So thats all you need to know.
Feel like deleting my archives because memories way back then were so precious and dear to me that I blogged about it every single time. Now looking back just cause my tears to roll down my cheeks.
Before I continue about all the yada yada, my leg feels kinda itchy so let me scratch first. * SCRATCH * Okay all done :)
Moving on is indeed easier said then done. When the breakup first happened, I told myself : Its just another breakup, you can do it. But as the days go by, what my heart is feeling is still the same as day 1. The palpitations and all the heartaches are still as intense.
Even though you constantly tell yourself, yes I am going to let go , your heart just seem to always lead you to a land of nothing but misery.
I MUST BE STRONG. I WILL NOT CRY. I repeated this every now and then but my heart chose to say NO. My heart wants me to live in this misery and this misery is here to stay.
Should I succumb to all these negative feelings? I'm human too. I have feelings and deep down, this just hurts so much. If my heart was a piece of paper, it would have been torn into many pieces. And as time goes by , it was then stuck back together again with tape.
Although its one whole heart again, its never the same. This time when this fragile heart finally thought that all the broken pieces were stuck together like finally, a flame burnt the whole heart away.
This is exactly how I feel now. I feel empty.
And as long as I live, I find it hard to love ever again. Being ditched again and again is not something really funny. I've given my all. I attempted to change but somehow this change was not give a chance to be shown.
Its okay. I will be strong. Everything is going to be okay. I really hope so. I pray to god that I get better soon and hope that I will be the Happy Valerie as I was 5 months ago.
I want to thank my special friend, Jennifer Kim Gun Hee for being the best bitch friend ever standing by my side teaching me to love myself and forever bringing out the best in me.
Your support means so much and it has been greatly appreciated. Thank you god for giving me such a friend. I am truly blessed.
Doesn't mean that all friends who were there for me are not important. You all are just equally dear and from this I can really tell who cares and who doesn't care at all.
I promise I will walk out of this. As much as I want to linger in the past, its time to wake up from this nightmare and get a grip of my life.
No more harming of myself. If I can't love myself, no one can.
Valerie, you can do this. You are Queen V.